@GensPlace: When an old lady dies and then her husband dies a couple of weeks later, it isn't because his heart is broken. It's because he can't cook.
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@PaperWash: idea for haunted house: dimly lit grocery store sprinkled with people you haven't talked to since high school
@HeyZeus666: I finally found a simple and easy way to deal with my weight problem. I threw my scale out.
@faizziy: Whenever a long lost friend calls me, I get suspicious & wonder if he's calling me to sell Amway products..
@sass_n_ass: Shout out to the ampersand for always being willing to stand in the gap & help make our tweets complete by giving back those extra two lette