@GensPlace: When an old lady dies and then her husband dies a couple of weeks later, it isn't because his heart is broken. It's because he can't cook.
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@trojansauce: [titanic] SAILER: but captain there's an ice berg right ahead CAPTAIN WHO LOOKS SUSPICIOUSLY LIKE A SHARK: i said straight ahead
@TuSoonShakur: [on a date] ME: Tell me about yourself. DATE: October 5. [later] ME: When can I see you again? DATE: Maybe in a year.
@luiki89: It's been a horrible morning so far. My ex got run over by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver :(