@Beanpudd: When angered, the female can text message at speeds of up to 1,600 words per minute.
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@4ndBest: [Crime scene] Detective: the victim was high af when he died.. you could say it was *takes off sunglasses* D: blunt force trauma
@mybigblondelife: If they just built prisons out of the shit they package electronics in, no one would ever escape.
@gobmentcheese: Interviewer: So, tell me a little about yourself. Me: I'm very attracted to you right now.