@Beanpudd: When angered, the female can text message at speeds of up to 1,600 words per minute.
@0point5twins: Anyone got a 10 year old daughter I could introduce as mine?
Stuck in an elaborate lie after putting my music on shuffle at a party.
@ErrenMichaels: The freebie-jeebies
That feeling you get when someone creepy buys you a drink without asking.
@KentWGraham: I’m starting to think my wife is only having sex with me to improve her FitBit stats.
@NotthatAdamWest: Beyonce was Destiny's Child. The other two were adopted.
@DaHess1: Dear Airlines,
We never really turn the phones off.