@Beanpudd: When angered, the female can text message at speeds of up to 1,600 words per minute.
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@CleverGirl85: Trolling my FB friends by commenting "Looking good ;)" on solo pics of their husbands
@Fred_Delicious: [penguin waddles into computer repair store] "Hi yes my laptop is frozen" ... Computer repair guy - "how did you get to Milwaukee"
@AdderallMomma: Kanye West agreed to play Santa Claus under the condition that children had to ask him what he wanted for Christmas.