@Smooheed: When anyone says they've embarrassed themselves enough for one day, I smile, nod and think 'that kind of limit sounds nice'
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@dumbbeezie: I don't have Facebook I use the police to tell my friends and family when I'm doing badly
@GabbbarSingh: The only entities which will survive a nuclear holocaust will be the c**kroaches and a book packed by Flipkart.
@david8hughes: [family game night] Me: do u understand now, grandma? U understand the rules now? Mum [tappin my shoulder]: she gets it. Loosen the headlock
@doktorj: *lies down on waxing table Aesthetician(on phone): Cancel all my appts, check the moon phase and bring me a gun loaded with silver bullets.