@JimGaffigan: When are they going to drug test the audience of "The Price Is Right."? No one should be that happy.
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@: I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like--it was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato.
@ms_woodsy: Dolls have given us an unrealistic image of women. For example, I found out Russian women do not contain smaller Russian women inside them.
@EndhooS: Cop: can u describe your attacker Me: super aggressive, with a big nose & powerful arms Cop: u just described a seagull Me: he took my chips