@captaincoximus: When asked my theory on Amelia Earhart's disappearance I said "maybe she went black" and now I don't have to help with homework
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@boring_as_heck: Crime rates are down 100% after President Obama made it illegal to do crimes. "I don't know why we didn't think of this before," he said.
@delasoulless: Faster! Faster! Faster! Don't stop! Almost there!Yes! YESSSS! -me trying to get everyone through the traffic light.
@LurkAtHomeMom: 3: *throws plate in sink Me: but you barely ate! 3: yeah, I'm full...what are you eating? Me: the same thing you had 3: can I have a bite?
@Cpin42: Before murdering someone ask yourself: Am I justified? Will I find forgiveness? Did I pay for the shovel in cash?