@gman_kam: When black guys say "ya feel me?", I literally feel them so they know exactly what level of white I'm operating at.
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@emmatheist: Unwritten rule: if you find an unconscious security guard you have to drag him to a supply closet and change into his uniform.
@ieatanddrink: Commercial for elbows: A frustrated man steers his car with totally straight arms. "Why did I go with the cheap arms?!" Narrator: "Elbows"
@tat2dsoccermom: Hardcore Ramen: drink boiling water, swallow dried noodle block, snort flavor packet.
@ZachWeiner: Our baby doubled age in a single day. If my calculations are correct, a month from now she'll be about 3 million years old.