@danozzi: When brands use cool words like "bae" on social media, I drive straight to their nearest location with all my money, ready to buy products.
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@DaddyJew: *slowly raises hand 20 minutes into an important office meeting* so there are no donuts?
@EJGomez: trump: ban muslims jeb bush: i disagree. just like dad would. who used to be president ben carson: how did spongebob make fire underwater
@HeidiCF8: I put my pants on like everyone else... As the cop taps on the glass and shines his high beam in my face.