@theshamingofjay: When Bruce Banner gets constipated do you think he turns into the Hulk? - just one of the thoughts I have during important business meetings
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@LeBearGirdle: Guy at door: How would you like to make a donation to our local orphanage? Dad: yea sure [yells up to me] son, you live with this guy now!
@Mikecanrant: Think about a nice pair of slacks. Now think about a panda. Now about radishes. Now about salt. I think you see where Im going with this.
@KentWGraham: We didn’t have child safety seats when I was young. My dad would put a couple of us in the trunk if it meant not taking two cars.
@EJGomez: teacher: "there are no stupid questions" me: "ya ok but why isnt the plural of moose, meese"