@MarcyLane: When buying baked goods I always ask myself, "are you prepared to eat this in the parking lot?"
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@WilliamAder: Apparently people will pay to be subjected to medieval torture devices if you call the place a "gym."
@djdarrellripley: I should have seen this breakup coming.... The nicest thing she ever said to me was, "Oh wow, that car almost hit you.”
@jwoodham: Reports are indicating that Ivanka Trump may take on some roles of the First Lady. Still no word on who will handle the duties of President.
@shadygrenade: License and registration please. "Bears." Excuse me? "Beaaaaars." Are you drunk sir? "BEAAAARS!" Stop saying bea- *cop is mauled by bears*