@MarcyLane: When buying baked goods I always ask myself, "are you prepared to eat this in the parking lot?"
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@Underchilde: A man’s got to know his limitations. Unless he’s in a relationship, then he’ll be constantly reminded.
@ShutUpThatsWho: [pulled over by cop] COP: evening folks. this is a random doug test. can I see some ID? MY FRIEND DOUG IN THE BACK SEAT: [starts sweating]
@cornlog: So rude of Ashton Kutcher to file divorce papers right before Demi Moore's 150th birthday.