@omgthatspunny: When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
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@CorkyKneivel: If your girlfriend says "my pyramid is late..." Know two things: 1. Your hearing is poor 2. That's not your biggest problem right now
@Ristolable: The downside to posting jokes all the time is that if I tweeted "Help, I am in an Iranian prison" everyone would be like "haha good one"
@TheCatWhisprer: I used to watch the Olympics on TV as a child and dream of growing up and also watching the Olympics on TV but on a better TV.