@omgthatspunny: When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
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@TheBeerGuy73: Pro tip: Wives do not find it hilarious when you add a bunch of extra candles to their surprise birthday cake. I know this now.
@Elizasoul80: [trial] Judge: how do you plead? "not guilty" J: but you've admitted to dropping an anvil on him. "he asked me to make him a pancake"
@Pierre__4: If you truly want my undivided attention start to tell me something then say never mind