@omgthatspunny: When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
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@DirtMcTurd: I just did my own taxes for the first time and I'm glad I did because I'm getting 8 million dollars back this year!
@Jandalize: Karma is my daughter bragging about getting to sleep late this week and forgetting to turn off her alarm.
@michaelianblack: Our family's annual tradition, as I put up the tree, everybody gathers around to watch my wife tell me I'm stringing the lights wrong.