@KngHnryVIII: When children, who are hoping for your death so one of them can claim your throne, bring you brekkie in bed, don't eat it. #FathersDay
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@Reverend_Scott: "Hi, I'm calling for info on your bicycle on Craigslist." It's heavy, brown, has new shoes, and loves carrots. It's definitely not a horse.
@Reverend_Scott: DOG 911: what's your emer- DOG: MY HUMAN SAID "WALK" WHILE TALKING DOG 911: so? DOG: WE NEVER WENT FOR A WALK DOG 911: OMG DOG: OMG
@sixfootcandy: (guy glaring at me because he wants to use the stationary bike) *adds 72 hours to cardio workout*