@KngHnryVIII: When children, who are hoping for your death so one of them can claim your throne, bring you brekkie in bed, don't eat it. #FathersDay
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@novicefather: Meant to type "Lmaoooo" but left off the "L" and now she thinks I'm singing the praises of The People's Republic.
@writerPT: I'm married, but not "pass up the opportunity to sleep with Thor" married. Or Wolverine. Or Captain America. Or Jennifer Aniston...
@smilely_gal: If you drive a Hummer, I will assume you are a douchebag. If aforementioned Hummer is bright yellow, I will crown you their king.