@KngHnryVIII: When children, who are hoping for your death so one of them can claim your throne, bring you brekkie in bed, don't eat it. #FathersDay
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@gerryhallcomedy: I want to lose weight, but I don't want to get caught up in one of those 'eat right and exercise' fads.
@TheToddWilliams: Earth: Goodnight Moon Moon: … Earth: I said ‘Goodnight Moon’ Moon: … Earth: Look, I don’t choose which days they celebrate Moon: Whatever
@Brampersandon_: COWORKER: you got like 8 hickeys. Must've been a fun weekend haha ME (remembering not to talk about octopus fight club): yea it got pretty wild