@AKenyanDude: When Chuck Norris is pulled over, cops show him their IDs
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@rocknthepurple: I'm just a girl, standing in front of half a pizza thinking it's been long enough since I ate the 1st half to consider this a different meal
@TheBoydP: The best thing about eating healthy food is all the incredible food you eat an hour later because you're so hungry...
@AmishPornStar1: Woah!!! You're a much fatter family than the stick figures on your rear window would indicate!
@WhatevaConc: Make it awkward today by asking people what they did for Valentine's Day. When they answer "dinner", you should say "no...after that".