@AKenyanDude: When Chuck Norris is pulled over, cops show him their IDs
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@scott_towel: When I was a child I dreamed of being an old west cowboy. When I grew up I realized they didn't have toilet paper with aloe.
@ShaunRightNow: I'm married, yet the only person that willingly goes down on their knees in front of my crotch is a 72 year old suit tailor named Pablo.
@daemonic3: [interview] What's your greatest weakness? ME: Probably avoiding tough questions Can you elaborate on that? ME: Oh hey look at the time!