@AKenyanDude: When Chuck Norris is pulled over, cops show him their IDs
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@AaronFullerton: "You deleted your search history. Good move. But you forgot about something..." *cop gets all up in suspect's face* "Targeted. Banner. Ads."
@dave_cactus: [Enter password: ] MyPeeeeeeeeenis [Error: password too long] *high fives my laptop right off the desk*
@XplodingUnicorn: 5-year-old: I'm supposed to find out more about my hero for school. Me: Aw, you came to me. 5: Yeah. Can you tell me more about Batman?
@Darchstar078: My bank called me today to alert me my card was used for a gym membership and they doubted it was legit because they see where I go to eat.