@ceejoyner: When clowns first attacked these shores nobody took it seriously. It's just one boat, how many could there be, they said.
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@finkelsteino: Hello, police, I have a burglar trapped in my home gym. Please hurry. The longer he's in there the more powerful he'll become.
@thenatewolf: Date: my worst fear is not living up to my own expectations. You? Me: that if I ever lay across a piano while I'm singing it won't hold me.
@PoliUncorrect: * Pogoing Outside Your Window ~ Are... You... Sure... You... Don't... Want.... A... Second... Date?
@shalaylaa: Boy in the pub was telling me his job is a penguin erector so every time a plane flys over Edinburgh zoo the penguins can’t take their eyes off it and end up falling over n he just goes round picking them back up, 38 penguins 2000 flights a day