@WhatevaConc: When complaining of a stomach ache, you don't really need to point to it or pat it gently. People pretty much know where the stomach is.
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@audipenny: [god, creating chickens] Put a red beard on a fat hiccuping sparrow. Give him a matching hat, I don't care
@daemonic3: "Hi" My name is "What?" My name is "Who?" My name is [chka chka] Slim Shady *scribbles on cup* "Ok Mr Shrimp Scabies, I'll start your latte"
@suzieQ0007: At a wedding where the minister told everyone to stand next to the person who makes life worth living. The bartender was almost trampled.
@SirEviscerate: ME (a ghost): You know how Bill Nye used to say "don't try this at home"? Well, I did, and he kicked in the door and shot me in the face.