@breatheandlove: The good news is, that bag of clothes from 1998 that I still haven't taken to the donation centre…they are back in style now.

@better_off_dad: I’ve got moves like Jagger, too... ...so far all it’s gotten me is unnecessary medical attention.

@RobinMcCauley: My friends asked me to go camping so I made of a list of the things I will need: 1. new friends

@UncleDuke1969: [road trip] DAUGHTER: I have to use the bathroom. ME: *pulls into rest stop* DAUGHTER: Thanks. ME: Make sure you’re back in 5 minutes. DAUGHTER: I will. ME: We accidentally left your brother behind once. DAUGHTER: I don’t have a brother. ME: Exactly.

@OtherDanOBrien: Why yes, YouTube, I *did* want to watch part 5 when part 2 ended. How did you know?