@leannuh_renay: when cows smoke weed the steaks are high
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@KalvinMacleod: WIFE: *motions to me that she’s choking* ME: *immediately dials 911* 911: what the emergency ME: *handing her the phone* here u talk to them
@MandiAtRandom: Don't describe two completely different things as "apples and oranges" they're both fruit Say something like "elephants and crystal meth"
@PaulSchissler: People are lot less judgey when you say you ate an 'avocado salad' instead of a bowl of guacamole