@AthenaMystique: When cute black and white bears start communing with spirits, it's pandanormal.
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@internetluke: [talking to zoo attendant as I slowly take out a $50 bill] "No" What? "You can't sit in the Kangaroos pouch" *places $50 back in my pocket*
@WilliamAder: Not to brag, but I can unhook a bra using just a bent paper clip, some WD-40, and my reading glasses.
@prontopup: Kristen Stewart is proof that if you're making a face and someone slaps you on the back it will get stuck like that forever.