@BestestNerdDad: When dating, I only have 3 dates to get a woman hooked on me because thats how many nice shirts i have.
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@MikeCanRant: There are shockingly few security guards at dog shows. You can run out and pet 4 or 5 dogs before they catch you. Last time I pet 8 of them.
@MatCro: ME: Man, Nosferatu is a good film HIPSTER: I preferred the original M: Original? What original? H: Nosfera One.
@MomOnFire: Them: You're burnt out. Me: Yes. T: You need a break M: Yes. T: I'm worried. M: Okay. Will you watch my kids for a minute? T: Hell no.