@snatch_stache: When dealing with the police it's important to always remain calm and be white.
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@iGreenMonk: When someone tell me , "long time no see" i usually reply, "I know, we're really not that good of friends"
@ericsshadow: [Starbucks intercom] "Will the man that ordered the Skinny Cinnamon Dolce Latte please pick up your drink. No one is looking."