@snatch_stache: When dealing with the police it's important to always remain calm and be white.
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@slimmy_shady: Me: "Get me a newspaper."Friend: "Don't be silly. Here. Borrow my iPad." Poor spider never knew what hit it.
@weinerdog4life: Other kids wanted to be astronauts or doctors, when I was little I wanted to be a horse calendar
@animaldrumss: Jesus: Those were the times when I carried you son Me: And when the vending machine ate my dollar? Jesus: That time you bought me a Snickers