@kevinseccia: When did they decide that every razor had to look like a piece that fell off a Transformer?
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@GreeGreeHoist: If you call yourself a "cat photographer" and you are not a cat, gtfo
@ashmensch: Them: Can you describe yourself in five words? Me: Stay at home couch accessory.
@theroyaltramp: When I was little I wanted to be a writer when I grew up. *looks around* I guess I should have been more specific.
@BGH70: Girl at restaurant: Hey, I like your shoes. Me: Thanks! I'll tell my feet. [Smooth, Brian. Well done!]
@WhaJoTalkinBout: Bill Withers: Ain't no sunshine when she's gone. Twitter: *There is no
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