@kevinseccia: When did they decide that every razor had to look like a piece that fell off a Transformer?
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@philmann: Don't be fooled - orca whales are just penguins set to widescreen 16:9 instead of the usual 4:3.
@Jesssicle: Fun thing to do: Before leaving someone's house, ask them if you can take a roll of toilet paper "to go"
@KyleMcDowell86: A cop pulled me over because he thought I was talking on a cell phone but really I was just rubbing a slice of pizza on the side of my face