@kevinseccia: When did they decide that every razor had to look like a piece that fell off a Transformer?
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@GreenishDuck: Text your dad "egg salad sandwich" four times in one day. He'll probably think his phone is broken.
@markydoodoo: [Yelp review for Mario Bros Plumbing] Ate my mushrooms, killed ALL my turtles, stole my coin collection. 1 star. -Bowser K.
@WheelTod: [Vegan Conference] Announcer: While we await our key speaker, please talk among yourselves Vegan: I'm a vegan Vegan2: I'm also a vegan