@meganamram: WHEN DO WE STOP COUNTING BACKWARDS I'M AT LIKE NEGATIVE 42,360
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@stephenjmolloy: Jesus: "BRAINS!" *everyone looks scared* Jesus: "Just kidding! I'm fine, I'm fine."
@AGStr8upNinja: She told me she liked it doggy style so I gave her a treat & took her for a walk.
@antsimpson: "Look we LOVE the script for 'Murder Bees', just change the name to 'My Girl' and you've got yourself a movie!!"
@dafloydsta: INTERVIEWER: What did you like most about your last job? ME: *leans in way too close* Leaving it.