@meganamram: WHEN DO WE STOP COUNTING BACKWARDS I'M AT LIKE NEGATIVE 42,360
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@kashanacauley: What we've learned from this skittles incident is that we should all stop eating refugees.
@thejamietighe: Coworker: What book you reading there? Me: 'How To Kidnap A Coworker' CW:... Me: Not you, Karen. A pretty one.
@weinerdog4life: Listen buddy, I don't know why I'm doing karate in your bedroom either, sometimes things happen
@gojarbe: [on a date] me: what's your favorite book series about a big red dog? her: uhh Clifford, i guess me: wow we have a lot in common