@meganamram: WHEN DO WE STOP COUNTING BACKWARDS I'M AT LIKE NEGATIVE 42,360
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@andylassner: Never trust anyone who says you need to come out of your shell because let's start with the fact that they think you're a turtle
@slimmy_shady: In Korean restaurant w/my son & Korean waitress says to him"Hi, how are you"? "Sorry I don't speak Chinese" Great. I've raised a douche!
@AimeeHelene1: *walks into bank dragging one of those giant checks behind me* *everyone claps & cheers* *hands check over to teller* Check is for $1.00