@shariv67: When dogs suddenly stop licking themselves and stare into the distance, they're thinking, "Shit. Did I leave the iron on?"
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@CaptainJerkwad: My dentist not only specializes in treating cavities, but he also sells gasoline for your car. Basically he runs two filling stations.
@skylerhanrath: [pirate ship] Pirate: Walk the plank Me: *struts down like nobody's business* Pirate: wait come back that was awesome you're one of us now
@InThaBurbs: Nothing wakes you up faster than a 5 y/o kicking open your door like SWAT and jumping on you in bed.