@shariv67: When dogs suddenly stop licking themselves and stare into the distance, they're thinking, "Shit. Did I leave the iron on?"
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@noneofyours99: Texts son - to come and hand me my drink 5 feet away God he's lazy, took him ten minutes to reply
@Tadicles: When Miley Cyrus is naked and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music" , but when I do it I'm "wasted" and "have to leave the Hardware Store"
@Sassafrantz: The average person has sex 103 times a year and it's almost March so that means only 103 more to go.
@TheThryll: You can usually win any arm wrestling contest by simultaneously leaning in for a kiss.