@KrazykurtKurt: When #EgyptAir announced "he's not a terrorist, just an idiot" My ex wife phoned to see if it was me.
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@TragicAllyHere: Don't you hate when you're an astronaut and someone opens the hatch to go into space and you're like, "nooooo, all my air guitars!"
@Merman_Melville: Why doesn't anyone put the whole football on their mouth like a pelican and pretend they don't have it
@thisislizz: Dear Tech Support, I twied to puth my tongue in tha USthB port again. Canth you helpf?