@MomofTeen: When emails tell me to "Act Now!," I immediately start reciting lines from Shakespeare.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Rollmaninoz: *ship enters earth atmosphere* Alien 1: Finally a signal *turns radio on* *Ed Sheeran 'Shape Of You' plays* Alien 2: SO sick of this guy OMG
@mejustbeth: Ever since those 2 weeks in 2008 when no one noticed I was missing, I won't go into a corn maze without a machete.
@WilliamAder: Just in case the FBI turns on my web cam, I've got a teeny tiny picture of Jimmy Hoffa taped to the lens.