@MomofTeen: When emails tell me to "Act Now!," I immediately start reciting lines from Shakespeare.
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@Storminika: My kid needs me to help him with a report on any famous black scientist. Can we do Dr. Dre?
@CulturedRuffian: I've never run a marathon, but once I walked real fast across a parking lot because Krispy Kreme was about to close.
@huntigula: [Donald Trump's election speech] "America, I have only 1 thing to say" *pulls off wig & mask revealing Ashton Kutcher* "YOU'VE BEEN PUNK'D"