@EBenita0517: When ever a girl wears a shirt saying 'I Woke Up Like This' I resist the urge to say I'm sorry about that.
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@neiltyson: While eating as a guest at other people’s homes, I’m thinking their dogs are genetically obligated to-convince you they’ve never, ever been fed.
@Cool_Jesse: That's the last time I follow some dude into the woods just because he tells me he's a wizard.
@Jazzzzzmina: Why is it when you take a break from Twitter everyone assumes you're happy and in love... Maybe I was in jail.