@EBenita0517: When ever a girl wears a shirt saying 'I Woke Up Like This' I resist the urge to say I'm sorry about that.
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@astutenewf: Based on how much my bones and joints pop when I work out, I'm pretty sure I'm 80% rice krispies.
@jjhartinger: I picked up an ice cream cake & the cashier said keep it in the freezer until serving so it doesn't melt. I've got to start dressing smarter
@NicestHippo: DETECTIVE: There are signs of a struggle here [earlier that morning] ME: *trying to get up for work*
@PaperWash: Find everything OK, sir? Everything except happiness! You won't find that at Wal-Mart! We laughed & laughed until my credit card declined