@tweetrajouhari: When famous people say that the key to great skin is like... simply washing with soap... I want them to go to jaiI for this.
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@WittySassBasket: Never noticed how many times the doorbell rings on The Golden Girls? Watch it with a dog.
@wittwitbarista: By allowing my children to play their music & video games loudly, I'm able to get candy out of its wrapper into my mouth unseen.
@ericsshadow: [undercover FBI agent steps out of his surveillance van, knocks on my front door] do you ever stop eating?
@sixthformpoet: It’s so awkward when a bird arrives back at its nest and the worms in its mouth realise that wasn’t just a free aerial tour of the city.