@StashTheTash: When fighting with a clown, always go for the juggler.
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@notalogin: Wife: You're shirtless? *nods* W: And covered in...oil? -Well, you know how you always say I never glisten? W: Listen. You never listen. -Oh
@jonnysun: CLOUD: wow im honored, no one ever flies up here to visit me up in the sky HELICOPTER: well im a gigantic fan
@MatCro: [break-in] BURGLAR: [cracks safe] COP: Not so fast, kiddo BURGLAR: [cracks safe more slowly]
@SirEviscerate: Ugh, I'm starting to regret getting bangs. "You don't have bangs." Wait, what's that thing you get when a bat bites you? "Rabies?" That's it