@MyPornKhan: When folks unfollow me shortly after they've followed me I just figure they sobered up.
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@jimmytorosian: Wife: I told you to baby proof the house! Me: I did. That baby has no chance if it comes in here. The bear traps will make sure of that.
@Cheeseboy22: I'm a spitting image of Ryan Gosling. Like if Ryan Gosling were to spit and look at his reflection in it, that would be me.
@juliussharpe: Nothing like riding a motorcycle without a helmet. The wind blowing through your hair... the warm pavement on your face...
@LoveNLunchmeat: Well kids, when a man and woman love each other very much, he erects a monument for her, but in his pants.