@vaaaader: When Girls Are On Their Period
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@Sickayduh: Accountant: Mr Cage, you are flat broke. *flashback to applying for a loan wearing John Travolta's face* Nick Cage: I already handled it
@AimeeHelene1: "And this is my creepy husband, John." (The way my friend should introduce her husband)
@TheBosha: Israel is like STOP TOUCHING ME and Palestine is like YOU'RE TOUCHING ME and Hillary is like I WILL PULL THIS CAR OVER.
@JediGigi: "Is that old Chinese food in the trash? There's Q-tips in there too? AND a bag of my poop? This is gonna be so good!" --dogs