@Free_the_DJ: When girls wear yoga pants I feel like a ghost from Mario. Uncontrollably attracted when they turn away, but frozen when they look at me.
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@TheHyyyype: [i'm on the ship's deck, dragging around a board by a rope] PIRATE CAPTAIN: *rubs temples* that's not what i meant by "walk the plank"
@Andee_Stewart: The problem w marriage is communication. When I said I hoped he'd go down in a plane I meant more crash & burn, less on the flight attendant
@Sickayduh: "911 what's your emergency?" - I've been catfished by a dozen men "We're on our way" - Gonna arrest them? "Gonna shut off your internet"