@Free_the_DJ: When girls wear yoga pants I feel like a ghost from Mario. Uncontrollably attracted when they turn away, but frozen when they look at me.
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@philco816: *hands stranger a condom S: I don't need this Me: Yes, you do. I saw the way you pulled out of your driveway. Your pull out game is weak
@vineyille: After dinner the other husbands and I retire to the garage and silently take turns climbing my new ladder.
@Fred_Delicious: *approaches girl in bar* *passes right through her* *i've been dead for 73 years*