@Free_the_DJ: When girls wear yoga pants I feel like a ghost from Mario. Uncontrollably attracted when they turn away, but frozen when they look at me.
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@Slims_Ramblings: I saw a picture of myself on a milk carton once but my new family was rich so I kept my mouth shut.
@KevinFarzad: Just saw someone order a cup of water at this restaurant. Knocked it out of his hand. We're in a drought, idiot.
@StrugglesBGbb: It's like my golf instructor thinks I'm mature enough to handle him talking about balls, and how to properly grip the club.
@DavidKrap: Dear people who question why girls go to the bathroom together, Hermione went alone and got attacked by a troll.