@TheFearBoners: When God closes a door, He opens a window. God does not give a shit about your electric bill.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@novocapulum: Dear America: it's called English for a reason. They invented it. It's not "English" spelling. It's correct spelling... This is a subtweet.
@MelvinofYork: I saw a lady at work today doing “breathing exercises” and realized for the first time how lucky I was that breathing came naturally to me.
@SpencerLenox: A mattress will double in weight after six years, just like everything else I sleep with!
@TheMichaelRock: Some schools are banning Santa so they don't offend non-Christian students. That sucks, because Santa is my favorite part of the Bible.