@WGladstone: When God closes a door, he opens a window. So God's pretty clearly getting high in his dorm room.
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@amore_orless: Social media's ruined everything. If I saw a dead body on my walk home my first thought would be to take a pic and caption it "Mood"
@daemonic3: [at TED talk] OMG that man is having a heart attack! Anyone here a doctor? *entire crowd stands* No a MEDICAL doctor *entire crowd sits*
@emireecraire: Public transportation not only helps the environment, it also makes you hate the human race