@WGladstone: When God closes a door, he opens a window. So God's pretty clearly getting high in his dorm room.
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@leechee420: If Reese Witherspoon doesn't call her poop "Reese's Feces" she's missing out on a clear opportunity to be awesome.
@RealDMK: I now realize that my mom did not actually have eyes in the back of her head. She just did as I do, randomly yell out "stop it" every 30 min
@raniao2011: Dear axe body spray, Could you Please put a suggested spray size on your deodorant bottles. Best regards, Asphyxiated girls everywhere.
@KittyShittyy: If I had ten cookies and you took one,what would you have? That's correct. A black eye and broken hand.