@funnyoneliners: When God closes a door, He usually makes sure my fingers are in it.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@headstrong_girl: "Wife stabs husband with squirrel" was on the news.. Does anyone know how to sharpen a Squirrel?
@Dani_Feld: Relationship status: I just found a piece of chicken in my hair. I ate it. Then looked for more.
@GlumGeorgeLucas: "Rogue One" idea: The spies anxiously wait to meet their new commander. Boldly - regally - he strides into the room. "Mesa Jar-Jar Binks"
@Reverend_Scott: Batman: Introducing, the Robinmobile. Robin: I'm so excited! *curtain opens* Robin: Bruce, that's a car bed... Batman: You're welcome.