@funnyoneliners: When God closes a door, He usually makes sure my fingers are in it.
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@Playing_Dad: *sees a spider* I'm going to kill him *turn around to get a shoe* *turns back around and spider has 8 shoes* Alright, let's be cool here
@SatansTongue: *puts little Santa hat on cat* Hahaha Santa claws *puts little Santa hat on dog* Hahaha Santa paws
@thejessbess: Got kicked outta Starbucks for trying to order a venti mocha choca latta ya-ya creole lady marmalaaaaaaaaade.