@funnyoneliners: When God closes a door, He usually makes sure my fingers are in it.
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@LindaInDisguise: Me: I know exactly what's wrong with me, Doctor. Dr: I told you no Google. You Googled, didn't you? Me: NO! Dr: <blink> Me: One TINY Google.
@DoogieHorner: Dogs are "practice babies" and cats are "practice ex-girlfriends you still have to share an apartment with."
@kwirkyKerri: Nothing says you married into the wrong damn family like your mother in-law crashing your honeymoon.