@JohnHilsen: When grocery shopping, I only buy foods that can also be used as a weapon. Cantaloupe is a good example of this.
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@TheToddWilliams: [boss's office] BOSS: Do you like my fire place? ME: Actually, it's one word: "fireplace" BOSS: You're fired ME: Oh, I get it now
@Petote: Just because I am an Italian American doesn't mean my family is in the mob.... It means we used to be.
@turd_firebird: If you really wanna piss someone off when introducing them, make little finger quotation marks in the air when announcing their job title.