@torrami: When hubs is sleeping I put my Care Bear blanket on him and take the most adorable blackmail photos ever.
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@pizza_dragon: Give a dad a fish and save him a trip to Costco. Teach a dad to fish and you can throw wild parties while he's away on fishing weekends.
@that1bish27: "I traded my carpet in for bare floors" --coworker. "Oh, me too. I love the shaved look.", said me. Apparently, she really meant carpet.
@d_duhwit: Wife*outside bathroom door*:"I can hear ur keyboard clicking away. U tweeting in there?" Me*pauses knitting*:"Uh, Ya"
@abbycohenwl: I need an aggressive dog-barking sound on my phone, for whenever anyone knocks on the bathroom door when I'm in there