@Contwixt: When humorists pole-dance it's called a comic strip.
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@GrowlyGrego: A new hipster coffee shop in my hood doesn't have wifi b/c it wants to encourage talking...presumably about the failure of this coffee shop.
@BackrowSeats: It won't be the alcohol or cigarettes that kill me. It'll be me laughing at an inappropriate time.
@Overdue_Bills: She was like "wrong hole", so I said "adventurous on the e-harmony profile isn't knitting quilts Velma", long story short I'm still single.
@KateWhineHall: Really, there's no need to ever take your kids anywhere fun because they can just sit and complain at home for a lot less money.