@KentWGraham: When I asked for my wife’s hand in marriage, I didn’t realize how often I’d just get the finger.
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@TheTweetOfGod: I care more about the outcome of sporting events than any other aspect of human existence.
@StevieKnip: Me: I hit the ejector seat and sent her through the roof by accident Cop: you're under arrest. I'm taking you to jail Me: let's take my car