@KentWGraham: When I asked for my wife’s hand in marriage, I didn’t realize how often I’d just get the finger.
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@ericsshadow: I dont have a "college fund" bc my youngest will most likely get a scholarship and my oldest thinks all dogs are boys and all cats are girls
@_Bankrobber_: FUN GAME: when someone tells you the name of their new baby, repeat it back to them, with their surname, and say "Like the murderer?!"
@HFromTheNam: Husband:-"So when you starting back at the gym"? Me:-"Why"? H:-"Because you need to" His funeral takes place next week.
@Brampersandon_: Hey whatcha eating? "A pluot" Wtf is a pluot? "A cross between a plum & an apricot" That's really stupid. *rides off on a liger*