@KentWGraham: When I awoke from the car accident in a full bodycast, my wife was right at my bedside to let me know that childbirth is still more painful.
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@maughammom: I'd say 20% of my day is spent trying to convince the dog we're not about to be murdered by the UPS guy, mailman, squirrels, ice dispenser..
@SteelCityDawn: Bought $200 sunglasses. Lost them in 15 minutes. Bought Walmart sunglasses. Had them for 238 years.
@BillMc7: listen, officer - t h e o r e t i c a l l y - would I still get a carpool lane ticket if I have a body in the trunk
@therealeatwood: ARTEMIS: No man shall boast he has seen Artemis bathe! *turns Actæon into a stag* [Artemis nudes go viral, 2.2M viewers turn into stags]