@thesulk: When I call 911, I'm gonna do a Sean Connery impersonation to briefly amuse the jurors at my trial.
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@CakeThrottle: My young nephew said that people with glasses should only be able to marry other people with glasses. He's like a tiny Republican senator.
@KalvinMacleod: ME: you know what they say, curiosity killed the cat CAT: that's awful why would they say that? ME: really? CAT: *dies*
@slimmy_shady: As a funeral director, I always tie the shoe laces together of the deceased.The zombie apocalypse will be hilarious.