@WilliamAder: When I call out the wrong name during sex, I just segue into singing Mambo No. 5.
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@AverageCorners: I duct taped a stick to the front of the lawn mower today so I could feel like I was riding a majestic unicorn that eats grass super fast.
@lipstck_junkie: My 6 y/o told me the medicine cabinet was our most important cabinet. Outwardly I agreed but inwardly: "no son, the liquor cabinet is".
@rockymomax: BAILIFF: do you swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the ME: no JUDGE: [flipping through law handbook] what do we do if he says no?