@unravelingfire: When I count my blessings, I count you twice, subtract 4, multiply by 8, and divide by 15 because I don't know how math or blessings work.
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@markydoodoo: Ever try spreading really cold butter on toast? I'm like the human version of that.
@Tommytoughstuff: "How does Dracula get his hair so perfect without a mirror? Oh questions about the job? No I'm good."
@Laser_Cat: The guy who invented doors must have been a big hero to the thousands of people standing around outside their homes.