@OfficeofSteve: When I die and doctors perform an autopsy, they'll probably find twenty pounds of stickers off of fruit in my intestines
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@Smethanie: I texted someone "hell yeah," but autocorrect changed it to "hell year" because even our phones know.
@sammyrhodes: If you've ever wondered which of your friends loved V for Vendetta, you're in luck today.
@Dustinkcouch: Whenever my girlfriend doesn't eat her dinner, I remind her that there are starving kids in Africa, and that she'll never be that skinny.