@Blarebare: When I die I want my skeleton turned into a xylophone. Just like the good ol' days.
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@genepompa: Can't believe my dog just ran into Petco and left me in the car with the windows rolled up
@dietredbull: it's gotta be as much fun for a slinky to go down an escalator as it is for a human to walk on a treadmill
@Snikoggs: [Job Interview] "It says in your CV that you are quick at mathematics. What is 17 X 19?" "36" "That's not even close" "But it was quick"
@ambienbabe: I say "fight me" a lot for a girl that's 5'2" and has a tough time opening some doors because they're too heavy.