@Marlebean: When I die, I want people to think back lovingly about me and say "oh, I thought she was already dead"
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@Jake_Sniff: [girl texting me] you left a sprite in my fridge [CUT TO] Me, crossing step one off of my "secretly move in with her" plan
@simoncholland: I just want to be rich enough that I don't have to watch DIY videos on YouTube every time something in my house breaks.
@ckretmsage: I started to keep a notepad beside the bed so that I can write down tweets at night, so far I have: Really shitty handwriting in the dark.
@whippedjelli: if you wear a bikini instead of a bra you can go out with wet hair & people will just think you've been swimming which is athletic not lazy