@Marlebean: When I die, I want people to think back lovingly about me and say "oh, I thought she was already dead"
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@qwertying: Daughter: Dad do Zombies exist? Dad: No dear they're people wearing lots of makeup. Daughter: Oh like mommy? Dad: Close enough.
@TweetingDadGuy: Please women who wear 1 inch heels. What's the point? You look ridiculous. What difference does 1 inch really make? Don't answer that.
@iAmDelFreaky: *sticks hand into jean pocket* Aw damn, why in the hell do I have bbq sauce in my pocket? *checks other pocket and finds nuggets* Oh, ok.