@meganamram: When I die I want to be cremated and blown in the faces of my enemies
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@callie_cakes: Pro Tip: Don't EVER tell a 10yr old boy that you don't "get" X-Men. Because. They. Will. Explain. It.
@TheMichaelRock: 12yo: Can we go to a haunted house this year? Me: What's wrong with the one we live in? 12yo: WHAT?! Me: Goodnight, son.
@TheTweetOfGod: The problem of guns in schools would be eliminated if society finally had the courage to outlaw schools.
@Jeff_G_Nixon: GOD: look what I created [points to clouds] ANGEL: what am I lookin at? GOD: Is it a bunny? A man face? It's up to you! ANGEL: are you high?