@meganamram: When I die I want to be cremated and blown in the faces of my enemies
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@Ratchet7Don: The cashier seemed to appreciate that I bagged my own groceries until I unpacked them all and said, "That's how I want you to do it."
@ElleOhHell: UNCLE: Officers weren't even safe from their own men in Vietnam. ME: I've just decided it's too hard to zoom in on any more dogs' noses.
@Maui_Speaks: I love wearing ear-buds and listening to the music loud at the gym, because no one can hear you if you fart...Why is everyone looking at me?