@Jmboyd58: When I die I want to be cremated and my ashes spread all over my bedroom...so my wife can clean up after me one more time.
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@PJTLynch: *wife sees me crying* Her: What's going on? Me: The kids gave me this *holds up Dad Is #1 mug* W: That's sweet H: Sweet? They think I'm pee!
@kivtur: *steps out of the time machine* Me: what year is this? Wife: Stop playing with the washing machine.
@Reverend_Scott: *rubs lamp* *genie comes out* You get 3 wishes. Just no wishing for more wishes. "I wish for more genies." I SAID NO WI- oooh, you're good.
@brendohare: DATE TIP: Hold doors. Pull the chair out for your date. Burp your date. Change your date oh god you are on a date with a baby ok stay cool