@Jmboyd58: When I die I want to be cremated and my ashes spread all over my bedroom...so my wife can clean up after me one more time.
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@ericsshadow: Went to Costco for eggs. Walked out with a toaster oven, an 80 inch 4K TV, minus 1 child and no eggs.
@WilliamAder: I remember my first time at a mic. "Cleanup on aisle 5" & "Price check-Advil" were two early bits that really seemed to resonate with folks.
@imagine_vegas: If any of you ladies want pancakes for breakfast, just come over....you can make them here, because I want some too
@WheelTod: Cement your reputation as the office Romeo by committing suicide over an underage girl you've been seeing for less than a week.