@Cheeseboy22: When I die, I'd like my coffin to be filled with Reese's Pieces so on my headstone it can say "R.I.R.P."
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@JoParkerBear: Kanye West tweeted that Bill Cosby is innocent? This is the last straw. He just lost my vote in 2020.
@SocialustGal13: There are 2 kinds of people: 1) Happy morning people 2) Cranky morning people that fantasize about killing the happy morning people
@BDGarp: I’m sitting next to a beautiful woman at a bar so now it’s only a matter of time before nothing happens.
@ericsshadow: GUY: my new boss is gay ME: my new bed sheets are warm GUY: [clearly frustrated] what does that have to do with anything? ME: exactly