@Cheeseboy22: When I die, I'd like my coffin to be filled with Reese's Pieces so on my headstone it can say "R.I.R.P."
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@FullGrownChris: Cashier: "Look at all this candy! You're going to have a lot of happy kids this Halloween" Me: "It's Halloween?"
@GABBYdaAngSaya: [After reading vows] Me: Why are you upset? Her: Me: Was it the Donald- Her: Yes, it was the Donald Duck voice.
@InternetHippo: OBAMA IS COMING FOR YOUR GUNS!! ME: OMG *clutches guns* [7 years later] ME (frustratedly checking my watch): This guy is taking forever
@TuffyNyC: It's nice when my kitchen smells extra clean cause I used an entire bottle of Clorox to kill one ant.