@donni: When I die, I'm donating my body to Simons. I tell this to every Simon I meet. So far, they're not into it
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@LackOfShame: I'm "had to actually call a girl on the home phone to ask her out while hoping my mom didn't pick up and start dialing" years old.
@betulesairafi: I love balloons! I keep tying them to my arm, but I think I'm getting carried away.
@joemcshutup: Taylor Swift told Vanity Fair she's not a "clingy, insane, desperate girlfriend" through various voicemails and texts at 3 AM
@smilely_gal: 7: "Mama, if someone licked the treadmill, would that someone get sick?" Me: "Are you the someone?" 7: "Maybe" Holy hell.