@bridger_w: When I die, instead of being cremated or buried, I'd like my body to be thrown out of a tree onto a group of teens
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@knot_eye: Me: You say all the right things. Her: I didn't say anything. Me: Shhh Don't ruin this for me.
@prncss_fifi: My parents think im a virgin. My boss thinks Im an excellent employee. The government thinks Im an outstanding citizen. Where's my Oscar?
@badbanana: Walk into a random building, go to a random floor, step into a random meeting, and take a donut. Best donut you'll ever eat.
@GuttaLikeNoOtha: My son: Mommy I can't wait to grow up and be a man. Me: Don't be silly son, you can't do both