@bridger_w: When I die, instead of being cremated or buried, I'd like my body to be thrown out of a tree onto a group of teens
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@Mr_Kapowski: My daughter is the perfect height for using an umbrella to simultaneously keep her dry and for me to lose an eye from one of its corners
@SuMacDan: Teens are leaving FB for Twitter & Instagram to escape parents. Silly rabbits, we were here first.
@DanMentos: billy joel: we didn’t start the fire detective: I haven’t mentioned a fire billy joel: shit