@bridger_w: When I die, instead of being cremated or buried, I'd like my body to be thrown out of a tree onto a group of teens
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@ruinedpicnic: parents, think twice before dressing your child as Cecil the Lion this year. my son will be dressed as a dentist, and I gave him a real gun
@JohnLyonTweets: Instead of a happy ending the masseuse gave me an indie movie ending. She stopped suddenly at a random point and left everything unresolved.
@Tmoney68: If I could time-travel, forget killing baby Hitler. I'd go back to use every come back I ever thought of 10 minutes too late.