@bridger_w: When I die, please bury me wrapped in a sheet. That way I won't have to look for one when I become a ghost
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@ohpegah: ME: On the one hand, I have this weird rash. And on the other hand DATE: ?? ME: It's on both hands, I should probably see a doctor
@Rebecca8672: Pro Tip: Before you ask your kid's Principal if he'd like a kiss make sure he can see the chocolate you're holding in your hand.
@CulturedRuffian: I put some doughnuts, ice cream, and snickers bars in my blender for dessert tonight, so yeah-I juice.
@velvettusk: "Eat your dinner so that lamb didn't die for nothing" - will ensure you get your daughter's helping, too.