@garrydavenport: When I die, please scatter my ashes over my iPhone, computer and TV, because I want to be left to my own devices.
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@iAmJuddy: Chef: What kind of bread would you like? We have wheat, rye, white... Me: Black bread. Chef: We don't have that. Me: Racist.
@marinarachael: I don't know why we have three different pig emojis but it's great for when you need to tell someone a pig is slowly approaching: 🐖 🐷 🐽
@katy_fit: Remember kids, don't light your own fireworks. Have the adults who have been drinking all damn day do it.